i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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