Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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