You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
