You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
