CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
