Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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