so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
