we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
