I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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