dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
