Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
