Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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