She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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