What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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