I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
