why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
