well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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