Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
