Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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