I am in a vortex of obligation.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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