Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
