so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
