Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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