Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
