if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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