Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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