So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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