I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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