Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
