My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
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Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
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I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Shame - the story of my life.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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