Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
