I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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