I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
