so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
