recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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