There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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