you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
