He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
