Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
