I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
