The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
