come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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