so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
