is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
