He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
