i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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