I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
