I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
