Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
