I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
