I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Panties = found
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