apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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