there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
