If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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