Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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