I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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