I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
