when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
