we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
