Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
