final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This is my gift to your gina
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
