She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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