I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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