Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
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We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
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I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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