I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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