my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
