Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
