Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
