turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
it's not cheating when I paid for it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
