Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
