I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Randomize
