You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
