During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
