Do you still have your period?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
