And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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