It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
